The Twelve Dates of Christmas Time
I have been publishing a few cryptic status updates on Facebook recently in regards to the numerous suitors within my crazy dating life. Since heading back online, i have had some super weird horror stories (that I’ll 
save yourself for a subsequent entry) however for now, I thought you would enjoy a far more in depth description for the males i am speaking with.
I take advantage of the term „men“ instead loosely!
Suitor # 1: Name: JJ Age: 39 Height: 6’3 Job: Engineer Lives: longer Island OkCupid Match: a disappointing 69% we will call him JJ, mostly because that’s the nickname just their sis is permitted to make use of. From other people, he hates it. Kinda anything like me with Kimmy. It is possible to phone me personally Kim, Kimberly, or Kimba, however for the passion for all plain things holy, PLEASE try not to call me personally Kimmy. (Unless you are my small sibling. He calls me personally Timmy. Cutest thing ever! ) JJ and I also are dating for a couple of months. We met on the internet and their writing hooked me personally above whatever else. He is excessively smart, specialized in their work, well look over, super nerdy, and incredibly high. Our times have actually included pizza and guy of metal, each day during the beach, and a dinner that is swanky their buddies among countless other people. We have been therefore great together. We knew We liked him fairly in early stages, and would joyfully quit my solitary woman status for a relationship that is real JJ. With me talking to other guys since he isn’t „ready“ to be exclusive / committed to me, he said that he’s „totally ok. We occur to understand he wants me to do, than I’ll do it that he is NOT ok with this, but if that’s what. Go into the remaining portion of the Suitors. Reputation: UNKNOWN
Suitor no. 2: title: My Colleague’s Father’s company Partner’s Son — you might have previously learn about him in the earlier web log entry, My husband to be. Age: 29 Height: 6’0 Job: Construction worker everyday everyday Lives: has their home that is own on Island OkCupid match: No clue, although I would personally want to learn! My teammate in the office desired to set me personally up with no. 2 more than an ago, and through a series of circumstances, we never met year. He finally got my number and then we’ve been texting for a couple of days. We have had a couple of phone that is good, nevertheless the many disappointing thing had been which he was smoker. Instant deal breaker for me personally.
Suitor number 3: title: Dan Age: 38 Height: 6’0 Job: IT for the appropriate firm in NYC everyday lives: Astoria OkCupid Match: 82% Dan and I also had been chatting earlier come july 1st, I just did not would like to get hurt once again! Before i acquired frightened of males (which actually means) He delivered great messages, filled with witty remarks and insightful humor. He is smart and simple to speak with making me feel immediately comfortable. Before we took my profile straight down for many months, we delivered Dan this message: „Hey, I got some individual material taking place right now, so am using my profile straight down for some time. If you should be nevertheless on here once I reactivate it (which for your benefit i really hope you are not), you will end up the very first individual We message. “ Would not you realize it, a couple of months later on we updated my profile and within twenty four hours of logging on, Dan composed for me. He stated, „Hey, i am hoping that you took enough time you needed seriously to sort everything down. We examined every couple of times to see if perhaps you were online once again. We missed conversing with you. Welcome back. “ And simply that way, Dan and I also began interacting each day. He is also simpler to keep in touch with now that i am aware him better. We share loves of bacon, jazz, Cards Against Humanity, new york, farmer’s areas, and nation music. Dan and I also simply simply take photos of y our text and food them to one another on a regular basis. He calls me personally through the food store to state such things as “ We have pasta and eggs in the home. So what can we make with this? “ and I also talk him through the aisles to generate one thing delicious. Our very very very first telephone call ended up being it felt so normal while he was wandering the supermarket, and. It felt like us. Reputation: ACTIVE
Suitor number 4: title: Steve Age: 32 Height: 5’11 Job: petrol fireplace repairman life: longer Island (way to avoid it eastern) OkCupid Match: 89% Steve and I also began dealing with our provided love of tea. The very first time he texted me personally, we had both just sat right down to a hot glass of Trader Joe’s Pomegranate White Tea! Of all of the teas on earth to be consuming at the time, fate tossed us in to the exact same steamy glass. We took this as a good indication, therefore we had a number of hour-long telephone calls. Steve provided me with their final title so of course I facebook stalked him. (Sorry people but it is 2013 — knowledge is energy! ) there have been a few pictures of him with a little youngster, but he’d never mentioned a young child prior to. Their twitter handle ended up being on the website, and so I seemed that up too. Probably the most tweet that is recent „My crazy bitch of an ex spouse whom hates me personally aided by the fire of one thousand suns is stalking my twitter feed. Get fucking figure! “ there have been a couple of other explicit tweets about only getting 4 hours per week together with son, her being psycho, the planet ass that is generally sucking. We do not judge anybody considering their social networking, but that may seem like too baggage that is much us to manage right from the start. Sorry, Steve. Reputation: ELIMINATED ON THE BASIS OF ANGRY TWEETS
Suitor #12: title: The Pianist Age: 31 Height: 6’0 Job: Concert Pianist and Piano Teacher Lives: New Jersey (ugh) OkCupid Match: 93% The Pianist is incredibly achieved, educated, cultured, well look over, and well traveled. He spends almost all of their amount of time in Manhattan and thought we would inhabit nj-new jersey for the scene of NYC. He could’ve resided in Brooklyn when it comes to views of y our reasonable skyline, but he prefers the impression of suburbia amidst the city that is big. He could be additionally a fan of low priced gasoline, low fees, and a variety that is wide of. He plays piano at sets from business activities to parties that are private concert halls. He shows pupils through the youngest protege into the collegiate elite. He’s sort and thoughtful and keeps in touch just sufficient therefore that I’m sure he is thinking about me personally, although not a great deal as to frighten me away. He is Armenian, that I knew absolutely nothing about except that the Kardashians are Armenian. (i am sorry ahead of time into the entire nation of Armenia that the Kardashian clan may be the only thing we learn about your country! Really, i did not even comprehend that much. The Pianist told me! ) He is wonderful up to now and I also am extremely excited to make the journey to understand him better. Reputation: ACTIVE
Suitor #13: Name: Nick the Dick Age: an overgrown adolescent Height: gutter Job: irritating individuals everyday lives: in a dark and dirty destination OkCupid Match: this is certainly simply absurd Alright, i am aware I had to throw this one on for good measure that I said there were twelve dates of Christmas, but. Bad, unlucky thirteen. Nick had been charming sufficient online but once the saying goes, „Good in writing, shit in actual life. “ Nick skipped within the texting area of the on the web progression that is dating called me the moment he got my quantity. He was really talkative (a lot of so! ) and I also could not get a term in edgewise. He said which he does not have confidence in love being all „doves and butterflies and performing and shit. Love is not like that. It’s crap in most cases. You have simply surely got to find somebody it is possible to tolerate. “ He additionally stated that after increasing kids, „it’s best to just place a sack over their heads often so that they shut up and listen. Guess what happens they do say about physical physical violence: whether or not it’s not working, you are not making use of enough of it! “ Last but not least, as he asked just just exactly what my weirdest online dating sites experience happens to be, I told him in regards to the man week that is last desired to pee on (with? ) me personally. Nick’s reaction had been „thus I guess permitting me just take a shit you has gone out of this question, cause you are a prude? “ Status: ELIMINATED ON THE BASIS OF HAVE YOU BEEN FUCKING KIDDING ME.